Art of Life
by Zangai
Summary: [Eventual 1x2] Duo's life since the last war is interrupted when a certain rainsoaked, 01 pilot shows up on his doorstep...
1. Rainy Days

It was raining outside.

Duo liked the rain… No. He **loved **it.

Rain meant no work. Technically, yes, he could have donned his thick, steel toed boots and trudged outside to brave the weather and work on salvaging parts from whatever pile of mechanical devices he decided to attack. The scrap yard wasn't getting any younger, after all.

But, he was self-employed.

And self-employed men didn't work in the rain if they didn't want to.

Besides- If **he** refused to open shop on rainy days, that meant that Hilde would have to consider rainy days as "off days" too.

Naturally, if it was raining, and there was no work, Hilde wouldn't spend the day cooped up inside.

Naturally, she would go visiting her friends.

Duo didn't even try to taper down his ear to ear grin as Hilde called her goodbyes, umbrella in hand as she made her way outside. "By, honey!" he said far too cheerfully, waving as he slammed the door shut in his haste.

Practically skipping his way to the bedroom, chestnut braid flying wildly behind him, Duo felt a twinge of remorse. In retrospect, maybe he shouldn't have been quite so pushy in getting his girlfriend out of the house…

* * *

_"Hey, you planning on going out today, babe?"_

_"…It's __7am__."_

**35 minutes later**

_"Are you leaving now?"_

_"I'm trying to do my hair. Do you mind, Mr. Don't-Touch-the-Braid Maxwell?"_

**15 minutes later**

_"Are you ready to go? I can start the car for you…"_

_"I'm in the middle of eating my breakfast."_

**10 minutes later**

_"It's okay, Hilde! I'll do the dishes! Go ahead, you can leave now."_

_"Oh, really, Duo?__ Thank you! But I still have to make the bed. Thanks for the help, **dear**."_

_"Dammit."_

**5 minutes later**

_"Hilde-chan!__ Are—"_

_"YES. I'm leaving now. Give me the freakin' umbrella, Duo."_

* * *

Oh well. 

Making his way across the bedroom, footsteps silent against the thick, lavender carpet, Duo stopped in front of the dresser, opening the first drawer- Hilde's drawer. He quickly slid his hands into the depths, a happy little grin taking hold of his lips as he retrieved a small, familiar, black bag.

Duo sighed in content as he made his way to the bathroom. His fingers ran fondly over the worn material, absently feeling the recognizable shapes through the outer material as he flicked on the light switch, coming to stand in front of the sink, but more importantly, the mirror.

One final flash of that maniac grin of his, and the 02 pilot grew a bit calmer. He's need a steady hand for what he was going to be doing. One small slip, and he'd have to start all over again…

With a swift flick of his wrist, Duo unzipped the bag, removing the different objects one by one, neatly placing his chosen pieces in an orderly line.

The lip-liner went next to the cotton candy lip gloss, the liquid eye-liner went next to the blue liner, which went next to the waterproof mascara, which went next to the eyelash curler, which went next to the 17 Shade eye-shadow compact, which went next to the eyebrow pencil and tweezers, which went next to… etc., etc. et. al.

Rainy days were most certainly Duo's "personal" days.

What? It wasn't as though Hilde didn't know that Duo used her makeup- half the colors in there would never due with her complexion, eye, and hair tone anyway. When had she first caught him…?

Duo gave a small chuckle, reminiscing as he sharpened the dandy pinkish shade of lip-liner.

A year and a half ago, after having ushered Hilde out the door, he'd done the exact same thing, step by step. He had it down to an art. Get the makeup, set it all up nice and neat on the bathroom sink, and then have at it.

Only, that time, Hilde had forgotten her purse. Whoops. Just as Duo was putting the finishing touches on his eyes, she's burst into the bathroom.

The braided youth had been **mortified**. He was a big, strong, sexy Former Gundam Pilot- he was not supposed to wear makeup! Let alone, get caught by his girlfriend with the stuff on!

Normally quick thinking and quick talking, Duo couldn't even manage off a 'Get out,' much less think of a plausible explanation.

Hilde had just blinked, stared, blinked again, and walked out.

Sure that his relationship was over, Duo had been more than surprised when she later returned home, and never mentioned the incident again. He'd also been more than grateful.

Duo honestly didn't know why he did it (aside from the fact that he thought it was fun). How did it even happen the first time? Oh yeah… Wufei had mentioned something about Duo's girlish hair, which led to Duo wondering…

Aw, Hell, he could blame it on whatever he wanted to blame it on. The fact of the matter was, he wore makeup.

But only on rainy days.

Like that made it any better.

Duo shrugged to himself, and leaned in toward the mirror.

Lips first and foremost, even if those should probably be done last. He couldn't help himself, dammit.

The tip of the pink liner glided smoothly across his lower lip, just below the actual flesh line, giving a fuller, more sensuous pout once the top lip was done in a likewise manner.

Dabbing at the corners of his mouth with a cotton ball to remove the excess, he gently dabbed at the lip gloss, generously spreading it over his lips, blending the liner to create quite a nice hue. He didn't even get any out of his lip line!

_Oh yeah… I'm a pro, baby._

Cleaning his hands, Duo pulled back to admire his handiwork. Striking a few poses, he even pouted a bit, just to test it out.

_Oh yeah... Just call me Duo" Sex-ah-gami" Maxwell…_

Duo rather enjoyed his "personal" days.

Positioning the eyelash curler just so, he was about to give it a good squeeze, when there was a knock on the door. A big knock. Like someone was pounding on the door.

Heaving a sigh and rolling his eyes, Duo slowly trekked back through the bedroom, through the living room, and toward the front door, feet dragging with every step. Leave it to Hilde to forget her purse, **again**.

And what was she doing back already? How much time had passed? A good 15 minutes, tops? Man, it was like she **planned **this out.

"You know, Hilde, light of my life," Duo began loudly, one hand on his hip as the other tugged open the door, "Your timing is— GEH?"

A drenched Heero Yuy stood on the doorstep, green tanktop and pale jeans clinging to his body like a second skin.

Those violet eyes of the 02 pilot got a whole lot bigger. "Heero! What are you doing here?"

Heero's right arm swung up, and Duo was suddenly staring down the barrel of a gun. "Mission- Kill the Former 02 Gundam Pilot, Duo Maxwell," he said, that unwavering monotone sinking like a rock into the pit of the braided youth's gut.

The 01 pilot's blank expression never changed. "Mission Complete."

He pulled the trigger.

* * *

**x**

* * *

Ooooo… Does this qualify as a cliff-hanger? Meh… Don't ruin my moment if it doesn't! 

This fic was originally intended to be romantic/angst, but romantic/humor seemed so much more fun!

Read and review, please! I'll write/post more if anyone's actually interested in this fic.

**Zangai**


	2. Not Funny

_Click._

The second of silence that passed after that sound was similar to the second that passes just after someone has dropped your birthday cake.

And the dog is eating it.

Yes. It was most definitely had that sort of feeling.

Or, maybe it was something more akin to seeing your life flash before your eyes.

Whichever.

Duo –gaping, unable to breath, very close to having a post-war panic attack— shifted his gaze from the presumably empty gun, and looked at Heero. ". . ."

The Japanese pilot met the stunned expression of the American with a customary, harsh glare… before he burst out laughing-- that scary, psycho, I'm-About-To-Blow-Your-Ass-Up kind of laughter.

Again, Duo saw his life flash before his eyes. That made it twice in once day. Twice in the past 5 minutes, for that matter.

However, he was quite certain that this time, it would be his last.

Either noticing that Duo wasn't laughing with him, or that Duo looked close to fainting (the latter seems like the more realistic of the two), Heero quieted, lowering his gun. "It was a joke."

Only Heero Yuy could say that with the sort of tone a doctor might use when saying 'You have cancer.'

"A.. A joke?" Duo echoed dumbly.

Heero tucked the gun into the waistband of his jeans, and nodded with a small grunt.

"What kind of a joke is **that**!" the braided one asked shrilly. Since when did Heero have a sense of humor?

Maybe he really **had** died…

"Hn." Heero appeared pensive for a moment. "Chang assured me that this particular ruse was an adequate form of amicable deception between comrades," he explained, his voice no different than the one he'd used to discuss attack strategies in the past.

Okay. So he was alive. And Heero had just attempted a joke.

Wait.

Backtrack.

Wufei was actually **encouraging** this type of behavior…?

Fine. He wasn't dead.

But Hell had frozen over.

Duo blinked a few times, realizing that Heero was still standing out there on the doorstep, and that it was still raining quite badly.

"Right.. Uh.. Come in…" he mumbled quickly, keeping a wary eye on the sodden soldier as he backed out of the way.

Closing and locking the door once the 01 Pilot was inside, Duo turned around and found that…

They were practically nose to nose.

"Wha--?"

Heero stiffly leaned in closer, and gave Duo a brief, if not somewhat rigid, hug.

That confirmed it.

Satan had just started a snowball fight.

Duo was sure he would have toppled over if Heero wasn't still holding onto his arms.. And was giving him an odd look…

Oh.

Oh shit.

The makeup.. er.. lipstick.. lip**gloss**, rather, was shining with all the glory the advertisement had promised it would.

Running his tongue over the length of his top and bottom lip, hoping to lick-away some (yet knowing that there was no helping the matter, really), Duo tried to tug himself out of Heero's vice-like grip. "You weirdo. What was that all about? All that huggin' and stuff, anyway? And—"

"Why do you have on--?" Heero started to ask, ignoring Duo's attempt to divert his attention with some quick-talking.

"It's not.. I mean…" Duo paused; he couldn't outright lie. "It's raining, okay?" he huffed, as if that fact should explain everything.

Heero nodded once more, accepting the answer (or deciding that he didn't want to delve any deeper), and reached down, each hand grabbing hold of one of the handles of two suitcases…

Wiping his mouth clean on the hem of his shirt, Duo frowned. "What are you doin' with those?"

Stepping out of his boots, Heero walked past him and into the living room.

"Hey, did ya hear me?" Duo followed after him, in the back of his mind trying to assure himself that a big, pink splotch on his black shirt was better than wearing the stuff in front of Heero.

Setting both suitcases flat on the coffee table, the 01 pilot opened the one on the left, removing a dry tanktop and pair of pants. "I am in need of secure residency for approximately thirty days."

Duo blinked. Heero was sure full of surprises today! "What? You want to stay here, with me?"

"…Yes," he replied, sliding out of his wet top and pulling on the dry one.

"Wow.. You actually came all the way to L2…" Duo mused aloud, awestruck. How many times had he emailed Heero, inviting him to drop by?

He'd known that, deep down, Heero wanted to come for a short vacation, even if the Japanese pilot had always responded to his emails with 'No, stop sending me messages.'

So, maybe that joke **was** a tad on the sadistic side of the fence, and maybe that hug **was** more than a little strange. So what if they hadn't seen one another face to face for almost a year?

When he thought about it, maybe it just meant that Heero really **did** care! The bond that they'd formed during the war was strong! Yeah! It was the kind of bond that was between two people who understood one another, **respected** one another to the point—

The 02 Pilot's thoughts were cut off as he was hit in the chest with a balled up, water-logged shirt and jeans.

Snapping back to reality, Duo happily carried the bundle to the kitchen, where he opened the cellar door, tossing the wet clothes down the stairs to join the large pile of laundry at the bottom. "Well, it's great that you finally decided to check out my place! This is gonna be a blast, having you stay for a month," he called back to Heero. "Man, if anyone ever needed a grand tour of ol' L2, I'm the guy they should see. I know the best places around, not to brag or anything."

Duo chuckled, pulling off his sullied shirt to toss down the stairs as well. "There's this incredible bar that I wanna take you to. Now, I know you don't really like that kinda stuff, but just trust me on this one. You're gonna…"

Reentering the living room, he sighed, stopping mid-sentence. There was no reason to keep talking, seeing that Heero was sitting on the couch, arms crossed and head bowed—asleep.

Heero had always had a tendency to decide it was nap time whenever Duo wanted to chat.

Rather than take offense, Duo knew that this only meant that his buddy was comfortable enough around him to sleep. It didn't mean that Heero was being rude. Pssh. Please.

Grinning, the American merely shrugged to himself, reassured that nothing had changed between them. This was a very good sign, in his books.

Heading back to his bedroom, Duo grabbed a clean shirt before busying himself with cleaning up the bathroom. Though it was too bad he hadn't gotten to finish the job he'd started –he fondly looked at a small tube of glitter— it was alright.

Hell, it was more than alright. His buddy, Heero, was coming to live with him! That more than made up for it.

Indulged in thoughts of the fun they were going to have, Duo didn't hear the front door to the house open, and was surprised when Hilde's voice suddenly sounded.

"Duo, I'm back! Where— What are **you** doing here?"

Duo cringed as he put the black makeup bag back into Hilde's drawer.

It would seem she'd discovered their new house guest.

* * *

**x**

* * *

Sorry for the delay between chapters! I've had the worst case of writers block for quite some time now. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter. 

Any OOCness shall be explained in future chapters. For now, just accept things as they come.

Please review if you enjoyed!

**Zangai**


	3. Ew Laundry

Duo really did **not** want to leave the safety of the bedroom.

But, staying there would only prolong the inevitable- nothing ever just 'blew over' with time, when it came to Hilde.

So, being the 'brave' and 'capable' man that he was, he peeked his head around the doorframe, getting a clear view of what he was going to have to walk into.

Hilde stood at the house's entrance, hands laden with the plastic bags from the local grocery store (guess she hadn't gone visiting her friends after all), her wet umbrella tossed in the corner, and an unmistakable look of anger painted on her normally carefree features.

Duo visibly winced.

Heero, on the other hand, was now awake and still seated on the couch, cool as a cucumber as he methodically removed his laptop from a suitcase and set it on the coffee table, unrolling a small bundle of wires and hooking it up.

At least one of them wasn't intimidated by the expression on his girlfriend's face.

Stepping out into the open and feeling rather vulnerable, Duo forced himself to don a cheerful smile, though he absently rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. "Heh… You remember Heero, right, Hilde? You guys met... what... three years ago at that big Preventers ceremony for the… the, uh… induction of, uh… Wufei and the… other cadets… All that great food… and, er… music… and dancing… and, uh…" His words gradually grew softer and softer until they died out entirely.

"Hn."

"Hn," Hilde echoed a near perfect replica of the prior one's typical responses.

If Heero was at all offended by her uncouth attitude, he didn't take any notice- in fact, he seemed utterly oblivious to the tension in the room, his attention focused solely on the glowing monitor in front of him.

This only seemed to make Hilde angrier. Glowering first at Heero's suitcases, then directing her glare at Duo, she said only two words. "Kitchen. Now."

Duo had stared down the barrel of the enemy's gun more times than he'd seen a doctor during the wars.

He'd been on missions where he'd escaped by the skin of his teeth, and had scars to prove it.

Hell, he'd been the God of Death, for crying out loud.

But, when Hilde glared at him like that, gave him the sort of look that surely peeled the paint from the walls behind him, he was filled with the worse sense of anxiety.

He wasn't sure where that irrational dread came from- maybe it had something to do with his childhood… Though, the fact that Hilde had a violent inclination to throw things at his head with incredible accuracy when she was pissed, might have had something to do with it.

Swallowing hard, Duo obediently went.

_Thunk_.

_Thunk_.

_Thunk_-_**Thunk**_.

Duo cringed as each dry-food product was slammed into the open cupboards, the plastic bags all but shredding beneath Hilde's rough hands.

During the short breaks between Hilde's bag-tearing and food-thumping, he could distinctly hear the tapping of Heero's fingers over the keyboard in the living room.

This was not going to go well.

Not at all.

Maybe if he acted cute…

Lopsided grin in place and humming gently, Duo sauntered over to Hilde, lean arms snaking around her waist as he pressed against her from behind, plopping his chin down on her shoulder and giving her an adorable, tiny kiss on the cheek.

"I missed you while you were out, sweetie," he whined endearingly, giving her a light squeeze.

Oh yeah. Feel the fluff. No one could resist him when he was being so—

Hilde gave him a sharp elbow in the ribs for his efforts, and pulled out of his grasp.

Rubbing his sore side, Duo decided that maybe it was better to keep his hands to himself, for the time being.

"How long is he staying?" came the first, icy question.

"Oh… Who… Heero?"

Hilde slowly turned to look at Duo, that horrible glare fixed once more on her otherwise pretty face.

Playing dumb wasn't a good idea either, as it turned out.

"Just… Just a few weeks, that's all," Duo quickly amended, eyes on the ground.

Sneaking a quick peek up, and finding that Hilde still had her glare on him, Duo stared down at his feet once more. "I don't see what the big deal is—"

"The big deal? You don't see what the big deal is? Ha!" Hilde went back to putting the groceries away with as much 'zeal' as before. "What, did you forget what happened last time we kept one of your 'buddies' here, or do I have to _remind_ you?"

There was no need for that. How could he forget what happened when Trowa came to visit 2 years ago, considering that Hilde brought it up every time she needed ammunition during an argument?

Honestly, Duo still didn't get what the big deal was about that 'incident' either. Okay, so **maybe **Trowa had made her uncomfortable with his occasional staring problem. The guy only had one eye out in the open; it wasn't **that** difficult to ignore it if it really bothered you.

Who cared if Trowa rarely responded to Hilde's attempts at a conversation? As Duo had kindly pointed out, any reaction **at all** was a good sign! Besides, was it really that unpleasant to fill in the silence with your own chatter? It didn't bother Trowa, and it solved the problem of awkward gaps.

Fine. **Fine**. So Trowa had run up their phone bill with long-distance calls to L4. C'mon, what was a few hundred dollars between friends? And, what was the point of **making** money in the first place, if you weren't going to **spend** it?

Whatever. It was a topic that would never be settled. Hilde's logic was too unlike his own.

Taking Duo's quietness as a sign that he was feeling discomfiture about his hasty decision to agree to Heero's staying without first consulting her, Hilde pressed on. "And, how do we know he's not bringing trouble with him, huh? Seriously, Duo, who knows what he's been up to all this time."

On this subject, however, Duo was firm with his words. "I doubt it, and if he was, it would be all the more reason for me to open up my home to him, Hilde. I don't abandon my buddies when they need—"

"Who are you kidding, Maxwell? You wouldn't be doing it to 'help' him. You've been looking for a good fight for ages. Do you think I forgot when you nearly attacked that customer last week for _suggesting_ that you needed to take another look on that engine you fixed for him?"

"I used to do damn near all the work on Deathscythe, and that guy's gonna tell me that I don't know how to replace a lousy spark-plug on—" Duo started, his tone defensive.

"We're getting off topic," Hilde interrupted again, opening the fridge to put away the meat and dairy products. "My point is— Dammit, Duo!" She withdrew a milk carton, shaking it so that the minute amount of liquid remaining made a hollow sloshing sound. "How many times do I have to tell you not to put water, milk, juice, and/or soda back with one sip left? I _just_ went shopping."

Duo opened his mouth to apologize, but Hilde kept right on going.

"All I'm saying is that Heero shows up out of the blue, after no one's heard word of him for what? 10, 11 months? This guy, who's supposedly one of your best friends, disappeared for all intents and purposes."

"He has his reasons, Hilde—"

"Which you have no clue about!" The refrigerator door swung shut with enough force to make the glass jars within clink against one another. "And what's worse," Hilde's voice lowered, "He's _creepy_. The way he talks, the way he looks at you, the way he moves… It's like he's not human…" She rubbed her arm, as though just thinking about the pilot in the next room made her skin crawl.

Duo's tone shifted to something like a soft growl- it took a lot to get him riled, and insulting his friends was a surefire way to get him to this state. "He can still hear you, even if you've suddenly decided that this isn't going to go on as a one-way shouting match; his 'inhuman' qualities can guarantee that. And if I was him, I'd take offense to what you said."

Hilde was unfazed. "If you were him, you wouldn't even care that I'd said it."

"Look, I put up with _your _friends all the time!" Duo shot back, voice elevating, irritated by her cruel, but true, logic.

"The occasional luncheon? Dinner? Half the time, you don't even bother showing up for the get-togethers, and when you do go, you're suddenly transformed into a wallflower! And I certainly don't tell you one of my friends is coming to live with us!"

"Heero's not just a friend, anyway."

"Oh, really? Then what is he?" Hilde challenged, hands on her hips.

"I don't know, okay? But he's not just some stupid, old army friend. He's more than that to me! We did missions together… We were practically partners … He knows what it was like, out there, fighting, and—"

"Oh, yes, bring up the Wars, as usual. Whenever Hilde doesn't see eye to eye with Duo the Gundam Pilot, it's because she doesn't understand 'that part' of him, and only his 'best buddies' can!"

Neither spoke- both realized that they had gone too far with their words.

Only the rhythmic tapping of Heero's fingers over his keyboard disturbed the stillness.

"I'm sorry, babe. I know I promised I'd stop bringing that up," Duo said tenderly; he knew Hilde's inability to fully grasp what the wars had been for him was a place he wasn't supposed to venture into. It wasn't fair to use that against her- he should be thankful that she couldn't understand that part of him.

Hilde didn't reply, only shaking her head slightly.

"It's not like Heero's moving in for good, right? He just needs a place to crash for awhile," he persuasively ventured, trying to smile.

"Did you even bother to ask him _**why**_ he's here?"

It was Duo's turn to remain silent after her words. He hadn't thought for a moment that Heero's arriving might not be for a social visit…

Hilde sighed, shaking her head once more. "I'm going over to Jaida's. I'll be back later," she said, brushing past Duo and heading towards the front door.

"Hilde. Hilde!"

Duo flinched when the door slammed, signifying his girlfriend's departure.

Ouch.

The braided man braced his hands against the sink, shoulders slumping, head bowed. Arguing was the worst. It really was. At least in a physical fight, you left with something tangible, be it bruised knuckles or a bloodied lip.

Verbal matches though... It never made him happy to win, and it sure as hell didn't help him any when he lost.

The sound Heero's footfalls let Duo know his comrade had entered the kitchen, a consideration that Duo was grateful for- you didn't hear Heero Yuy coming unless he wanted you to.

Putting on his game face, he was grinning when he turned around to face his friend, all traces of his melancholy attitude wiped away in an instant. "Hey, Heero... I'm gonna go do some laundry, so I'll talk to you later, 'kay?"

Heero fixed a scrutinizing gaze on him, but nodded after a moment. "Understood." His eyes shifted over to the counter, where Hilde had abandoned the near-empty carton of milk. "I will go procure a suitable replacement for the milk deficiency."

Duo's grin rose crookedly at one corner as he watched the other do an about-face and start towards the door. "Make sure you take an umbrella!" he called after him, satisfied when he heard the responding grunt and the unmistakable sound of an umbrella opening just before the door closed behind the departing pilot.

Hm. The house was quiet again. It was more pronounced now than it had before, somehow.

Sighing, Duo pulled open the basement door, intent upon actually completing the chore he'd told Heero he'd wanted to do... Well, it wasn't that he really wanted to do chores (who did?), but he had alot to think about...

Especially that last bit Hilde had said about Heero.

Duo frowned faintly, sorting the laundry after he'd made it down the rickety stairs.

Maybe she was right, and he should try to figure out why Heero was here.

Where to start though... It wasn't like he could just go up to the guy and ask!

Well.. He **could**.. But that would only make Heero suspicious, and he doubted he'd give himan answer anyway. Besides.. Wasn't it kind of rude to accuse your friend of ulterior motives?

His brows pinched together as he thought silently, dumping a load of darks into the washing machine and adding the appropriate amount of detergent.

When it dawned on him he knew exactly who to call, he almost shut his fingers in the washer's door.

**Wufei.**

Heero had mentioned talking to Wufei, and it couldn't have been too long ago!

Oh yeah. He still had it. Score one for Maxwell.

Turning the knob to start the wash cycle, Duo practically bounced back up the stairs in his haste to get to his vid-phone, and give the Chinese man a call.

* * *

**x**

* * *

Finally updated! -does a jig-

Before any of you Hilde-lovers get upset, please understand that I'm not trying to bash her or make her into some evil woman.

I think it's important to understand that Heero is **not** her friend, nor does she know him as anything more than an acquaintance. And though most of us loving fans find him to be one sexable-bishounen, you've got to admit he is a bit scary if we're just considering his actions and personality.

Feedback! Please! Entertain me, since I'm entertaining you!

Love and stuff,

**Zangai**


	4. Omfg Heero

**x**

There was an amendment that needed to be made.

Arguing with someone you care about wasn't the worst thing in the world.

The worst thing in the world was when you called your buddies, and they **didn't answer**.

Even though you were certain they were home, or in Wufei's case, in his office at the Preventers Station in Shanghai.

And even though you were **more** certain that they had Caller ID.

...Which, in turn, only made it more insulting.

Duo frowned as the video-message Wufei had pre-recorded played out on his monitor.

"This is Preventer Chang Wufei. I'm busy at the moment. If it's important, I'll get back to you. If not, your message will be erased."

Talk about cheerful.

The machine gave a little blurpy noise to alert Duo that his own message was being recorded.

"Wufei! Flip on your screen, gotta talk to ya!"

He graciously allowed the man a moment to answer.

And was rewarded with more blank montior-ness.

"...WU. FEI. ANSWER. IT. IS. DUO. MUST. TALK," he bellowed, very slowly and articulately.

The former 05 pilot had gotten pretty good at the ignoring Duo thing.

But he must have forgotten one very important factor, having not spoken to the braided pilot for some time.

Ignoring Duo Maxwell was like ignoring a steam engine set to plow through your cornfield.

You were going to wind up with one hell of a pile of popcorn.

"You leave me no choice, my friend!" Duo warned, clearing his throat and throwing his head back as he whipped out his secret weapon.

More like strangled his vocal chords in order to hit all the falsetto notes, but he was Duo, and so he persevered. Bless those sickeningly sweet pop-songs those crazy kids were so obsessed with these days.

"I WANNA TAKE YOU TO COLONY L3-! AND WE CAN BUY ALL THE CANDY-! JUST YOU AND ME BABY-! OH YEAH YEAH YEAH-! YOU'RE A SWEET GUY-! THAT AIN'T NO LIE-! FOR YOU I WOULD DIE-! AND---"

"What do you **want**, Duo?" Wufei's image appeared on the once empty screen, this time the real him. The look he wore clearly stated that if he could, he would reach through to strangle Duo with his own braid.

"Wufei!" the former 02 pilot pressed a hand to his chest, mock surprise playing across his features. "Why, I had no idea you were there."

"Nobody likes a wise-ass." The young Preventer's scowl didn't lesson.

"Everyone keeps saying that, but I keep getting invitations to weddings and birthdays," Duo said, waving a hand dismissively. "Listen, I need to talk to you about something."

"You have my undivided attention. Seeing that ignoring you won't make you go away, let's get this over with quickly, so I can--"

"Get back to work, I know, I know. Did you know that Heero's here?" Duo asked, watching carefully for Wufei's response.

The Chinese man's annoyed look wavered for a second, as his lips twitched with what could only be defined as a withheld smile. If Duo hadn't been staring so keenly at the screen, he would have missed it. "So what?"

"You knew he was coming here, and you told him to do that thing with the gun to me!" The violet eyed youth pointed an accusing finger at the screen.

Deciding not to fight it any longer, Wufei let his face relax into a smug grin. "Correction. Heero **mentioned** that he might be passing through the L2 Colony in the near future, and I **suggested** that he try his little joke out on you. I thought you might find it funnier than I had- it seemed like something right up your alley."

"Even my sense of humor only goes so far. You just wanted me to have a premature heart attack, you sadist," Duo teased, crossing his arms.

"Think what you will. If I'm not mistaken though, that can't be the only reason why you called. And as.. **enjoyable** as this conversation is," Wufei was such a sarcastic guy sometimes, "Can you get to the point?"

Deciding to do as he was told, as Wufei did get grumpy when people didn't do as instructed, Duo nodded. "I wanted to know how long ago it was that Heero was in China."

"Two weeks ago, approximately."

"Did he say why he came to see you? Like... Did he have a specific reason?" the American quickly pressed on, not wanting to tax Wufei's patience.

The 05 pilot arched a brow. "If you're assuming it was for sightseeing, you're mistaken. Heero stayed at the base for a little less than a month, training and lending a hand with missions that came up. That's all."

"That's all?"

Wufei's eyes narrowed, and Duo knew he was pushing it.

"Okay.. Thanks, Wufei, sorry for bothering you," he said glumly, giving a small wave before he reached for the switch to disconnect. That hadn't helped him to decide Heero's reasons for presently being on L2 at all.

"However."

His fingers paused on the tab, hope rekindling. "Yes?"

"You might consider contacting Quatre for additional information. Heero did mention something about an earlier trip to L4, before arriving on Earth," Wufei offered.

Duo would have kissed the screen if he wasn't afraid of Wufei dropping everything to take a shuttle over to beat the crap out of him.

He instead settled with verbally expressing his appreciation for the other pilot's help.

"Chang, baby, you're the best, my absolute favorite guy! No kidding, I mean it! When you gonna come up to L2, so I can-"

Indulging in an eye-roll, Wufei cut the connection before Duo could finish that line. It was probably for the best, anyway.

Chuckling to himself, the braided youth quickly plugged in the code for Quatre's portable vid-phone and sat back, waiting for the blond to answer.

"Hello, this is Quatre-"

"Quatre! Hey bud-"

"I'm sorry, but I'm unable to answer right now. If you just leave your regional number and code, I'll contact you as soon as possible," the message finished.

What was it, official Neglect Duo Maxwell Day? And couldn't bazillionaires like Quatre at least hire a real live person to answer the vid-phone for them if they were busy?

_**Bluuuurp.**_

Better make it a good message, and to cut right to the chase.

"OH MY GOD QUATRE! PLEASE PICK UP, GOD, PLEASE ANSWER! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO IF YOU DON'T ANSWER, OH.. OH GOD!" he shrieked, adding a dry sob to boost his chances of getting a response.

Yes, it was a low down, dirty blow to play with Quatre's emotions like that, especially seeing that the kind Arabian youth would never intentionally ignore Duo.

No time to feel remorseful- for he was answered!

"Duo? Duo! Are you-"

"Quatre! Buddy! So happy to see you!" Duo grinned, flinging his arms around the vid-phone and sending his friend a digitalized hug.

He pulled away after about two minutes when only the static crackling of his shirt against the glass screen seemed willing to talk back.

And now it was time for the guilt.

Quatre had a dazed expression reflected in his wide, aquamarine eyes, still stuck somewhere in emergency mode. Not only that, but from the looks of it, the blond had been showering when he got the call. His hair was wet and sticking up at odd angles and his white bathrobe was on inside out; from what Duo could see of the background, Quatre was at his recreational apartment on L4, the sort of place he went when he was trying to **reduce** stress.

"Buddy?" Duo tried cautiously, smiling and nodding.

"Is everything okay?" the other said slowly, confused. "You sounded.. upset, Duo."

"Oh.. I must have been excited 'cause I wanted to talk to you so bad." That was the truth. Kinda.

"Everything.. Everything is alright then?"

Eh. Note to self- The Uuchu no Kokoro is not a toy. Do not send it mixed messages. Love, Duo. "Yes, I'm fine, Quatre! Geez..."

The poor blond lowered his face into his hands, taking a few deep breaths, probably to stop the erratic beating of his abused heart. "Duo, do you-"

"Quatre, what is he-" a steady, low voice called from the background.

"It's nothing.. I mean, it's.. it's just Duo," Quatre called back, lowering his hands and looking to his right and off screen.

Duo cocked his head, recognizing voice of the unseen speaker. "Hey.. Hold on.. That was Trowa. Yo! Trowa! Are you there?"

"Uh.. Um.. Yes.. H-he is.. Just.. Just a second, Duo," the 04 pilot said quickly, his cheeks glowing a bright red. With that, Quatre jumped up from his seat, and moved out of shot.

And if Duo didn't know any better, he could have sworn he heard Quatre whisper '_Put on some pants!_'

Hm... He hadn't used his vid-phone in a while.. Maybe it needed replacement speakers? Duo absently poked at the dusty things and wiggled a few wires. His nose wrinkled up when he saw his fingers come back covered in a layer of gray grime. Definitely time to clean this bad-boy.

"Hello, Duo," Trowa said quietly, taking a seat next to Quatre as both came back into camera shot, his shirt sticking with wet-spots to his chest and arms.

"Wow, that's a nasty looking bump," the former 02 pilot exclaimed. Maybe circus life wasn't so easy after all.

Trowa frowned.

"Trowa slipped on the soap when he was getting out of the shower... He heard your message being recorded too," Quatre explained, giving a sympathetic look to the angry, red lump on the portion of the Latin pilot's forehead that was visible from beneath his veil of wet hair.

"Oh... Wait a minute- were you and Trowa **both** showering when I called?" Duo asked, forgetting the newest addition to his Guilt Pile for the moment. Didn't Quatre's apartment only have one bathroom..?

"Why did you call, Duo?" Trowa spoke up quickly, the left corner of his mouth twitching in annoyance.

Focus, Duo, focus! "Er.. Right. Have you seen Heero recently?" he blurted out.

Quatre nodded. "We saw Heero about.. two, two and a half months ago. He stayed at my primary residence on L4 for a short time."

Trowa carefully crossed his arms, and actually snorted at the admission. "Thirty-two days, to be exact."

Sounded just like Wufei's story, thus far. "He didn't happen to give you a reason as to why he was staying with you, did he?"

"No, he didn't," the 03 pilot responded briskly.

Quatre laid a hand on the other's arm. "Heero came and went very.. mysteriously. He just showed up and asked to stay, and I agreed."

"He didn't just stay at your home. He followed you around, and insisted upon sharing every minute you had free," Trowa said softly, his tone.. Irritated?

Duo's mouth formed a thin line, eyes narrowing in thought. That tone of voice was the one that Trowa usually reserved specifically for him, not for Heero! Odd. Very odd.

The former 04 pilot cleared his throat. "So, why are you asking anyway, Duo?"

"No reason in particular... Heero's here now- well, not this very second, he's out buying milk right now, but he's staying. With me, that is," Duo replied. "And he was staying with you before he went to stay with Wufei and before he came here."

"Maybe he's finally decided to catch up with all of us," Quatre offered, smiling brightly.

Trowa muttered something that Duo didn't catch, but made the blond pilot's eyes widen and cheeks flush.

"If.. If that's all you needed, Duo..." Quatre ventured, clearing his throat once again.

"Roger that. Take care, you two," the braided youth chimed, giving a quick wave before cutting the connection.

Rocking back in his chair, Duo's mouth once again formed the thin line it did when he was in deep thought. It was too much to chalk up to coincidence that Heero had stayed with the other pilots for nearly a month as he was going to with Duo.

Hilde was right, there had to be a motive behind all this; despite Quatre's belief in the innate goodness of all other Gundam Pilots, the 02 pilot now doubted that Heero was conducting these visits just to 'catch up.'

And because he hadn't been able to gather any worthwhile information from the other pilots, that left him with one option.

It was time to enter No-Man's Land, a place of scary firewalls and IP Theft protection programs, a place of wide and varying selections of nearly indeterminable passwords and codes.

He was going to have to break into Heero's laptop.

**XxxXxxX**

No. Effin'. Way.

Duo stared down at the file he'd accessed in the laptop, and had to read it again just to make sure he'd gotten it right the first time.

Because, quite frankly, was he was seeing was un-fucking-believable.

* * *

**Mission X497-1483**

**Code Name:** The Art of Life

**Objective:** Mastery of the skills needed to successfully interact and thrive within an entirely civilian environment.

**Status:** Incomplete

**History:** In the span of three years since the conclusion of the final battles, and the ultimate destruction of Wing Zero, 01 has yet to acquire an adequate amount of knowledge in regards to civilian lifestyles.

Attempts to follow emotions that surfaced within social environments proved ineffective. These emotions were unsuitable for the circumstances in which they were utilized. The knowledge of correct reactions to emotional and interpersonal situations has remained limited, and was never fully developed during early childhood/training.

Therefore, it is the goal of this mission for 01 to learn the subtleties of living, and to achieve the abilities needed to assimilate successfully into society. This mission should prove most beneficial in learning the mundane, day to day activities that civilians partake in on a permanent basis, and should teach the discipline needed to carry out these tasks.

By observing the selected test subjects, it was assumed that their similar backgrounds of unconventional upbringings and extensive combat, as well as their own success at integration into society would make them ideal. They were to provide information and examples for 01 to observe, commit to memory, and use in the future.

Regretfully, it would appear that mistakes were made in judging the usefulness of all subjects. While 04 seemed to a top candidate, further study and analysis concluded that though by all appearances he has assimilated into civilian lifestyles, his status and knowledge was aptly formed during childhood to function in his environment- 04 leads a lifestyle that can be classified as privileged, and while basic examples of interaction between comrades and acquaintances was observed and adapted **see file qrw.04.1187.exe**, an in depth venture wouldn't have yielded the needed outcome.

03 was likewise observed while studying 04; the fact that he seemed aware of the scrutiny proved all attempts at gathering useful information to be futile **see file tb.03.2379.exe** as his awareness marked him as an unreliable source.

Because of 05's continuance within a militaristic environment, any interaction witnessed was forced to be categorized as inappropriate for civilians, as distinctions between what is and isn't acceptable out of a military base provides too much of a risk for 01 to attempt. A record of the encounter was maintained **see file cw.05.8931.exe** during which time information gathered from 04 was practiced.

**Conclusion:** It is clear that 01 should have focused solely upon which subject would have been the most beneficial in studying, rather than which was easier to study. Though 02 is loud, nerve wracking, inexplicable at times, lax in presentation, and has been loosely termed 'idiot' and 'nuisance' by varying parties, he is also charismatic, relaxed in his handling of civilians, amiable, approachable, and as has shown on past missions to be the most adept at assimilating into whatever environment he needs to enter.

A short time in his presence has already concluded that 01 still has much to learn in areas prior subjects had led 01 to believe he demonstrated adequate knowledge, such as but not limited to:

**Humor**

**Greetings Among Friends**

**Jargon and Speech **

**Body Language**

Daily updates will be maintained and reviewed for the entirety of the 30 day period.

* * *

How **DARE** Heero go to everyone else for information, and only choose Duo as a last resort! 

Oh yes, Mr. Perfect Soldier might have thought that his oh-so-crafty use of numbers instead of names would throw off the regular hacker (not that any regular hacker could have gotten into his laptop anyway), but Duo was no dummy, contrary to what '**varying parties**' might claim.

Duo was angry. No. He was **supremely** furious and **awesomely** irate. That better matched his scowl, so out of place on normally cheerful features.

How **DARE** Heero show up here, and not for simple visiting purposes? Granted, Heero had never said specifically that that's why he was there, so it wasn't as though he'd lied to Duo, but dammit, it was pretty much the same thing, when it boiled down to the bone.

Muttering a string of expletives that would have cowed even the surliest of space pirates, the braided youth interlocked his fingers, palms out, and cracked his knuckles, wiggling the appendages before setting them atop the laptop's keyboard and pausing to think of a nasty little message he could leave Heero so as to properly inform his buddy just what he thought of this mission, and where he could stick it.

However, before he'd finished the first paragraph, Duo stopped.

No, he wasn't feeling guilty for breaking into his best friend's laptop.

He wasn't feeling sorry for his friend who was so obviously lacking in social skills that he found spying and using his supposed friends to be acceptable.

He wasn't even suffering from the slightest smidgen of remorse for typing that Heero was a "**lousy pilot, friend, and cook**." You'd have to have sampled some of what Heero claimed was 'sustainable rations' after not eating for three days to understand that last bit.

No, Duo Maxwell wasn't sitting in front of the laptop, fingers paused mid insult, and an evil grin slowly unfurling across his face because he felt bad.

On contrary. Duo couldn't recall when he'd felt so.. so.. so positively Duo in a long time.

It was trippy- he had to be careful not to become so caught up in the moment that he screwed up on backtracking his little Shinigami butt out of Heero's laptop, once more reinstalling all of the protective programs and passwords, etc., etc.

For you see, an idea had been born, sometime between "**I hate your guts, you piece of...**" and "**I hope you fall on the way home and drown in a puddle...**"

Not just any idea.

The Idea. The **Mother** of All Ideas.

It stood to reason that if Duo had continued writing up that rant, and left it where Heero would surely find it in his mission file, Heero would probably up and leave within five minutes of discovery.

But what would be gained by chasing his best buddy away? Oh, no no! That wouldn't do at all.

Revenge was a dish best served cold- or in this case, over a 30 day period in which he could totally screw with Heero's learning of what was and wasn't acceptable as normal.

Now, Duo wasn't usually the trickster type, meaning that he didn't usually spend his days plotting new ways in which to mess with people and annoy the living daylights out of them. Sure, he enjoyed a good joke now and then, but who didn't?

However, he had done his fair share of pranks in his youth- one didn't grown up as an urchin on the streets of good ol' L2 without learning a thing or two about what it meant to be devious.

But this.. Oh, man. If he pulled this off, this would be the pranks to end all pranks.

Finished backpedaling his way out of the labyrinth of Heero's laptop system, Duo left it exactly the way he'd found it, and eagerly began to pace the length of the living room as his plan fully formulated.

He knew that normally, Heero wasn't worth teasing. His Highness of Grim and Dourness was usually too preoccupied with other matters to get a worthwhile reaction out of, after all.

But.

Heero had never been locked up with Duo for 24 hours a day for 30 days.

And Duo had the distinct impression that if he was so inclined, he could fucking **personify** annoyance.

A low laugh bubbled up, and he laid a hand over his grinning mouth to hold it in, almost giddy with excitement.

If he played his cards right, he could have Heero eating out of his hands, becoming the perfect **un**-perfect civilian.

If he didn't, and Heero somehow found him out...

Well, Duo was fairly sure he was going to end up braidless and dead, despite the 01 pilot's No More Killing Policy.

Oh...

This was so **dangerous**.

So **insane**.

So **foolhardy**.

**This** was right up his alley.

The front door opened, and Heero entered backwards, holding the sopping umbrella over the doorstep to shake off the excess water before closing the door securely behind him. A bag, likely containing the newly purchased carton of milk, swung loosely at his side.

Duo's grin widened, and darkened. "Hee-chan! Welcome home!"

* * *

**x**

* * *

Woo! Updated! I've very sorry that it took so long. xx 

I hope you liked this chapter, hehe. I'm so happy that those who reviewed seem to really like this fic, thus far.

Please, I beg, plead, and generally make a silly mess of myself- **REVIEW**!

I love hearing what you've got to say!

- **Zangai**


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